No Man is an Island

By Catherine Steele

"No Man is an Island" is the title of a poem. Have you ever wanted to be an island and just be alone? Probably everybody has, on those not-so-good days. But most of the time we thrive on interactions with others -- talking, laughing, listening, learning, helping. We do not enjoy being alone.

Recently, we asked adults with disabilities, aged 19 to 35 years, living throughout Ontario, if they ever felt lonely. Of the 315 adults who responded, 82 per cent indicated they did feel lonely. Twenty-five per cent reported being lonely very often or quite often.

We also asked Ontarian young people with disabilities, aged 11 to 16 years, about feeling lonely. Do you think young people are less lonely than adults? You are right -- of 319 youth with disabilities, only 69 per cent felt lonely, and only 15 per cent checked being very lonely or quite lonely.

Why is there a difference? Well, for one thing usually adults with disabilities no longer attend school, which is a key place for interactions. The workplace may take the place of school, but many adults with disabilities are not there.

In addition, adults often move out to live independently, eliminating close contact with family members. Adults are in charge of their own interactions, with no one planning or arranging contacts for them. And adults, being not as cute as youngsters, may not have the same supports and attitudes that promote interactions.

Doubtless there are other reasons, but let’s see if there are any solutions. We could start by liking our own company -- enjoying our time alone by reading, listening to music and just doing what we like. Then, let’s make contacts: Telephone or e-mail, volunteer or help someone, go out and savour what the community is offering, join a group, start a group.

Spring is on its way, so it is an ideal time to start building bridges from our islands. The bridges may take time. But they will ease our loneliness, as well as that of our contacts.

(If you have any ideas on feeling lonely, please call Catherine Steele at Bloorview MacMillan Centre in Toronto, (416) 424-3855 (or 1-800-363-2440), ext. 3642, or leave an e-mail message at csteele@bloorviewmacmillan.on.ca.)