Personal Affirmation

By Marnie Jayne Hall

Here I am. But those three words can be transposed to "Am I here?" just as quickly.

This is the best example I can think of to illustrate how I felt only a short time ago. If you are in a dark place, you will always wonder where you are. This is depression and self-doubt. Then someone (usually friends or family) or something (a job or hobby) will turn on a light for you. Balance will return, along with self-esteem, and you will think emphatically, "Here I am."

We all have choices. The difficult part is making them. I have witnessed many occasions when people with disabilities have been coerced into making decisions that they later regret. In my case, I have come to realize that problem-solving and processing information won’t come easy, so if I need six days to make a decision, I take it - even if I have to unplug my phone and isolate myself to do it.

I don’t have all the answers. I have tried the most modern avenues in my attempts to defeat my financial and emotional poverty. With medication, I felt like I had the flu all the time, was too disoriented. And I forgot the day of the week. I like living independently, so that was short-lived.

Counselling got me out of bed in the morning and placed me on my feet when I lacked the energy to do it myself. I opened up to someone who knew what cerebral palsy was, and realized personal change was my responsibility.

I must be feeling better - this is coming to mind quicker than my fine motor skills allow my fingers to type. It is very cathartic. My inner choice has returned:

"I am here" or, if you’d rather, "Here I am!"

-- Marnie Jayne Hall, Vancouver, BC


Send your tips, tricks or coping methods (300 words) to: FYI, Canadian Abilities Foundation, Access Place, College Park, 444 Yonge St., Toronto, ON M5B 2H4, or fax us at: (416) 977-5098.

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