Kidding Around

By Darlene MacDonald

When Joshua's mom agrees to watch his favourite television show with him, the smile on his face says it all. Cameron gets joy from singing along to a musical video. It wasn't until Aaron discovered a computer program called Talk It! that he gained the confidence to type words into the computer. Taylor doesn't understand the nuances of humour, but when his dad enthusiastically explains that it is "raining giraffes and elephants" he delights in sharing a laugh with a grown-up. All of these children have disabilities, and their parents recognize how important it is to make them laugh and feel included.

Besides meeting the physical needs of children with disabilities, parents make emotional health and self-esteem priorities. This often requires coming up with creative, individualized solutions, as illustrated by these Ottawa-area parents.

Joshua Chiabai, nine, has Williams Syndrome, a rare genetic condition that has mental and physical manifestations. His mother, Jennifer, knows he is painfully aware of the skills and activities he cannot master. That's why her focus is on encouraging Joshua in areas where he excels. "We can't undo the damage the rest of the world does to our kids, but we can give them a solid foundation at home to make them feel good about themselves," says Jennifer. "One of the most rewarding things for a child is to have him see you are interested in something he is."

That's why, when Joshua showed an interest in trucks and big machines, Jennifer knew she had an opportunity. Mother and son watch his favourite show, Monster Jam, together. They surf the web for pictures of trucks, and have been to several truck shows. By indulging him in areas where he has success, Jennifer says, she validates him, encourages his interests and builds his self-esteem.

Fun, music and laughter are the tools Janet Clark uses to ensure her son accomplishes what must be done without risk to his happiness and self-esteem. Cameron, 11, has Down Syndrome. He loves music, and it has become a practical, light-hearted way to inspire him when he is sad or unco-operative. When Janet sings "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off and away we go," it serves as a much more pleasant motivator than orders or warnings. She and Cameron also make up their own ditties and then laugh together at the silliness. Cameron also learned how to operate a VCR, so he can watch musicals such as My Fair Lady.

For many children with intellectual disabilities, the intricacies of humour are difficult to grasp. In my own home, we use humour as a parenting tool in raising our older sons, and felt that with a little imagination, we could incorporate that same strategy with our twins, Aaron and Taylor, who are 11 years old and have developmental disabilities.

Whereas I might venture into one of my older sons' rooms and exclaim, "It looks like a tornado went through here!" the analogy would be lost on the twins. However, humour is such an integral part of society that we want them to have an understanding of it as well. Aaron and Taylor can become frustrated and exhausted trying to meet everyday expectations, and this can make them shut down. When we laugh together and they see our smiles, they become far more engaged and co-operative. A relaxed, lighter environment allows them to feel safe and more willing to try to be the best they can be. So, whether we embellish a story, exaggerate a phrase or mimic animated characters, we achieve our goal at that moment while preserving our children's emotional health.

It's also important for children to try new things and meet new people. Effie Corriveau, 12, doesn't let her cerebral palsy prevent her from participating in activities she enjoys. Everything from playing her Game Boy to downhill skiing contributes to her happiness and feeling of self-worth. Her mother, Tilly, says that concentrating on her strengths and taking part in what others are doing helps make Effie a smiling, outgoing little girl. Ultimately though, Tilly says it's parents who must model for others how their child should be treated. That's why she and her husband, Denis, encourage lots of participation in social situations. Effie learns how to behave appropriately and others learn how to interact with her.

Elaine and Jim Pond agree that educating others is the key to preserving their son's emotional health. They've always promoted inclusion and as much social exposure as possible for Eric, as they are committed to making their son feel good about himself and his contributions. However, the 12-year-old with Down Syndrome becomes easily frustrated with his limited ability to communicate and this affects his mood and self-esteem. For Elaine, those moments become teaching opportunities. She might prompt Eric on what to say, or introduce questions or comments that would facilitate others in conversation with her son.

"Everything should be focused around self-esteem, being positive and setting them up for success," says Elaine. "Educating people to understand and react to them and what to expect is the way our children are going to be accepted."

As adults, we all face challenges, but it is in our strengths and skills that we find our happiness and contentment. Children are no different - they don't want to be labelled for what they can't do, but rather be appreciated, empowered and praised for all they can. Ultimately that is the definition of true success: finding where our passions lie and mastering them to the very best of our abilities.

Darlene Macdonald lives in Kanata, Ont.